How to deal with the meaninglessness of the world?

A draft I’ve created some weeks ago. I’ve polished it a little bit and published it now.

God is Dead, Individualism won’t save us, Socialism is Bad™ and Evolutionary Humanism isn’t the solution. Also, AI is around the corner, with a 50/50 chance to kill us all.

So, what to do until then?

I am currently employed at an large (large large) IT solutions company, and nothing I do there has any greater meaning to me. At the one hand there is a Public Sector project where managing the requirements seems very complicated to me and unnecessarily complicate the project. On the other hand a project in the Media Sector where the customer decided to make and not buy. While from the business view this might be okay, I dislike that the customer builds it’s own proprietary solution instead of the sector joining efforts. It’s this market lead thing, I guess? Meaning the single business in the sector won’t like to share with the others b/c improving anything only makes you more money if you are first? Well, that gets to complicated now and you don’t know the details so let’s stop here. Anyway, I would like to make the world better. Not do something utterly meaningless.

But the risk of doing meaningful things is just such high. (???) And I hate myself for that. I am very freedom orientated person, which makes all this very hard. But if you fight your lonely war against business-as-usual people you loose yourself. (WTF do you want to say?) Uhm, not sure. But I am very angry currently.

I just want to do Good™ but it’s not wanted. (You know that’s not exactly the truth.)

But it does not make any sense at all! Have you ever thought this through? There is no way for me in this situation changing this world: I can’t barely manage my own life, how should I change the world? (Well, you can barely manage it because you fight against yourself each single day. Let’s start by fixing that.)

Well so what do you suggest? “Doing one step after another”? I don’t have time for that. (You’re funny.) Well, okay. But it’s so hard to relax. Very hard. (You know we already talked about meditation?) Yes, but, you know, with barely getting along with life, it’s not exactly easy to look into that. (Nobody said it will be easy.) Well. So, what about starting to search for meditation advise right now? (You already excluded YouTube, didn’t you?) Yes. Let’s see if I find some friendly non-commercial website. (See you!) Be right back. :)

Let’s start by browsing Wikipedia about Meditation.

Oh nice, I found a Non-Profit about meditation, Mindful, that have some nice steps for doing Meditation. I listened to Last Lights while reading the steps and more then one time nearly broke down into tears. (Well, fuck?) Yup. I am currently thinking about meditating just now. (But the washing machine is very noisy?) Well, let’s try anyway, I want to relax now. (Want?) I even want it even right now! (whatever…)

(See you.) cu.

Christoph Schulz

Christoph Schulz

Christoph Schulz
I am Dev. Maybe.

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